Slade's Auction
by GoldenRoseBush
Summary: Slade is tired of these Brotherhood of Evil people taking the Titans' attention off him, so he has a plan that goes far when they insult his awesomeness. This takes place in the beginning of Titans Together Part 2. Humor/ parody.


Slade had tried, time and time again, to get the attention of Robin and the rest of the Teen Titans. But lately he seemed to fail. He was usually able to effortlessly haunt the Boy Wonder in his dreams.

Something else was dominating Robin's thoughts. Whatever it was, it had to go! Slade had an evil plan. He couldn't remember what it was, but he knew it was an evil plan.

After doing some research, he discovered there was an organization dubbed the Brotherhood of Evil that was targeting the Teen Titans and Honorary Titans. The leader of the group was called the Brain, and the entire group consisted of all the villains the Titans had fought except for-

"ME!" Slade cried, overcome with jealousy and rage."They excluded me. _They- shall- pay!_" he growled darkly. So did they think he was dead? It would take more than an apocalypse or blast from a four- eyed demon guy who had issues with his daughter, to kill this awesome masked villain."Time to set another plan in motion." Slade cackled as he began to mentally concoct a mastermind plot.

When Slade finished brainstorming, he admired his brilliant idea and got to work on locating the Brotherhood's secret lair. It only took a little effort, because when Slade is angry he will not stop until he gets his way. He had managed to contact the Brotherhood via screen talk ( or was it Slade Skype? Who knows...)

The screen was static for a second before showing the Brain ( it was just a brain in a jar resting on a domed carriage, Slade noted.) It was flanked by a gorilla with a utility belt, and a tall woman in a red suit with black boots.

"Greetings, Brotherhood," Slade said casually."I haven't caught you at a bad time?"

"Who are you?" the Brain asked in a voice that sounded like a guy talking on a radio station that had bad audio quality.

"Oh?" Slade's one gray eye widened slightly before narrowing."You've never heard of me? Slade? The Titans' greatest arch- nemesis ever!"

"No way!" cried a fat man with a remote."That's me!"

"Hmm..whatever." Slade then continued," I heard that this organization was founded to annihilate the Titans and bring forth world domination?"

The gorilla and the woman nodded.

"Since I'm the Titans' greatest archenemy- don't interrupt me this time, Control Freak!- I come to wonder why I am not involved?"

"Because you were not awesome enough!" Johnny Rancid taunted in the background.

"Yes," the woman agreed."You have not been around chasing the Titans. Also, last season you were busy persuading a teenaged girl to comply with her father's prophecy, and you were serving the demon himself. Is that what would be considered 'cool'?"

That did it for Slade. How dare these people question his awesomeness!"Oh, really?" he barked."I took great willpower not to shoot that ungrateful demon with the powers he granted me! I dared to stand up to him,who was possibly the most powerful inter- dimensional demon of all! I also fought my way through danger to regain my literal flesh and blood! And I ran into a battle against Trigon, wielding a giant axe! I even chopped one of his horns off! I was running around kicking serious backside during that apocalypse while you were, let's see, TURNED TO STONE. You were a Stone- Brain! I also have plans on destroying the Titans but you are all in the way! And how can you, Brain, lead if you can't even fight? You may be skilled at strategizing but if someone distracted your guard-monkey, _you- would- be- finished!"_

The Brotherhood members were silent.

"You seem to agree to my question regarding the Brain's leadership. Shall we discuss this face- to- face?" Slade said.

Ignoring the Brain's pleas of "no", the other villains made a deal.

"Okay then. I'll be there in a few seconds."

Slade then added," Oh, and since I'm awesome I'm going to blow up your screen. Goodbye."

The Brotherhood lair's screen went black and then exploded. Fragments of glass littered the floor."How did he- ?" Madame Rouge began only to be cut off by another explosion from underneath the floor.

Slade emerged from the wreckage, holding a sheet of paper."I wasn't joking when I said I would be here in a few seconds." he said.

The gorilla and the Brain made their way to the lair's floor to see what was about to transpire. All the villains gathered around Slade as he read the writing on the paper out loud, "_Whoso- _I really need glasses.." he mumbled, taking out a pair of said item from his utility belt. After all the experiments performed on him in the military, he should've had better eyesight ( even though he only had one eye.) Since the glasses had two lens and he only had one eye, Slade said, "Now this is unnecessary," and snapped them in half, throwing one half on the floor and holding the other over his eye. ( Though wearing a mask made it difficult. But Slade can conquer a problem with any solution!) He proceeded to read out loud, "_Whosoever can outdo the Brain in strength, intelligence, and strategy shall be worthy of taking its place as leader. For the prosperity and evil good of the Brotherhood of Evil."_

All the villains nodded in agreement." So how exactly is one supposed to claim their rightful leadership over this organization?" Rouge asked.

"There shall be an auction." he replied.

"What?" rumbled Monsieur Mallah." But I thought this was a contest to prove your worth! Not a participation in which people bid themselves into near bankruptcy! I thought it was a contest because of what you read aloud!"

"What I read aloud? I lied." Slade sighed casually."Let the auction begin!"

"Oi! I bid ten- thousand ol' bucks!" Mad Mod cried.

"No way!" Control Freak screeched." One- hundred and fifty thousand! Beat that, losers!"

And so the bids continued. Slade wondered if any of them even owned that much money of which they offered, or if they were just desperate. Just when Slade thought it would go on forever, Monsieur Mallah roared,"WELL, I BID TWO- TRILLION, ONE- HUNDRED SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!"

"Might I suggest.." the Brain began only to be cut off by the deranged gorilla."SILENCE, INFERIOR! YOU ARE JUST A BRAINLESS MANIAC BRAINIAC!"

Then with his gigantic monkey hand, he lashed out and slapped the Brain, knocking it off its pedestal- body. The Brain lay aside forgotten as Mallah yelled,"I WIN! LEADERSHIP IS MINE!"

"Not so fast, monkey- face!" Mammoth cried, jumping forward and punching the gorilla unconscious onto the ground.

"Not you, either, scum- munching traitor!" Gizmo screamed, aiming his laser cannon at his partner- in- crime only to be knocked aside as a stampede of all the other villains in the lair rushed forward, participating in what had once been an auction that was now a brawl.

"It's amazing what greed can do to you.." Slade said as he watched in amusement.

"Yeah, right." came the modified voice of Red X, the only villain other than Slade who had decided to sit back and enjoy the show."Well, this is getting boring. I'll just 'cross' myself out now. Heh heh! Get it? 'Cross'?" he elbowed Slade.

"Yes," Slade replied with a hint of aggression in his voice.

Red X just shrugged and used his suit to disappear off to somewhere else.

Slade watched the raging dust cloud that was the brawl. Sounds of punching, grunting, and screaming echoed off the walls. Pretty soon all the villains had knocked each other out.

Slade laughed evilly in victory, then piled all the villains onto the conveyer belt to the freeze machine, placing the Brain on top of the loser pile like a cherry on a hot fudge sundae. He froze them and then observed the display of heroes the Brotherhood had frozen. He saw the frozen form of Robin and marched up to the Titans' leader."Hello, Robin."

Robin didn't respond.

"Robin."

Nothing.

"Robin. Robin. ROBIN! HELLO, ROBIN!"

Still no response. Slade sighed. No use forsaking your dignity to attempt scaring your enemy if he's frozen. Robin probably wasn't even conscious. Slade knew the other Titans would come eventually to free their friends so he didn't bother thawing them out so he could attack the team later on. He went back to his lair, happy with his victory. No one was as awesome as Slade. Not even an entire organization could stop him when he had the smarts to distract them.

This put Slade in the mood for cookies.

* * *

When Beast Boy, Pantha, Jericho, Herald, and Mas arrived at the lair in a dramatically heroic fashion as did the other groups of Titans that had survived the Brotherhood's assault.

They saw nothing but a tumbleweed rolling by, as well as all of the villains flash- frozen and the missing Titans flash- frozen as well. They freed the frozen Titans and they all looked at the mysteriously frozen pile of villains then shrugged and decided to celebrate their victory with pizza at Titans' Tower.

* * *

**Hope that didn't stink! And yeah, sorry if Slade seemed a bit OOC but hey this is a parody after all!  
**


End file.
